How time flies when you are having fun? And how it does when you aren't? It's now six months since I found out my wife was having an affair, two months since I moved out and started a new life. You know what? Best thing I ever did, she's actually done me a favour. Not only do I have the moral high ground, having refused to play away when the chances arose (and they did!!), but she's trapped in her little utopia with a mountain of guilt and I am free to do whatever I want, with whoever I want whenever I want. Life has never been better. Cheers Karen!!!

No, not a new Cocteau Twins album, but instead more a reference to the state I've been in for the last ten days. We decided to take in some late-season sun in Greece, and chose Halkidiki as our destination, a two-hour transfer from Thessaloniki. Lovely part of the world, with agreeable climate, food and people. What could possibly go wrong?

I wasn't sure whether to entitle this piece "Greek tragedy" or "Greek farce", as both would be equally appropriate, but decided instead to refer to Aristophanes "The Birds" (414 BC), a play that begins in the sky. No Greek tragedy seemed quite appropriate enough, as close as we were to the plains of Thessaly, the only motherfucker around was the Olympic Holidays rep, so no Oedipus Rex, Tyrannosaurus Rex or even the Rex Halcyon Cove, more's the pity.

Things do go wrong with planes, that's almost a given. Especially with "budget" airlines, who buy up old planes and then flog them to within an inch of their lives. The problem is likely to be exacerbated as you get towards the end of the season, with the old Boeings in need of a richly-deserved maintenance. Taking that into consideration, you do expect airlines to have a Plan B ready as a standard. Any business worth its salt has a business continuity and contingency plan, indeed many investors will not invest in a company until they have demonstrated their risk management capability.

Someone tell that to XL.com, Excel Airways or whatever they call themselves. The clapped-out old Boeing 767-300 we were supposed to travel back in failed on the ground, once we had done all the safety drills etc. The proximity sensors on the leading wing edge were indicating an imbalance, or something similarly bollocks that meant the plane couldn't fly at correct altitude or speed, and wouldn't be able to get back to London. You'd think they would try to assess the problem and then alert the likelihood of needing to mobilise a replacement plane, with 300 passengers of all ages waiting to embark. Too obvious? Too sensible? Too costly? Who knows. We were turfed off the plane back to the departure lounge, and then told within the hour that the problem had been solved by the pilot, we were clear to depart. So we all trooped back onto the plane, only for the same fault to materialise immediately. This time when we were ferried away from the plane we were told that the nearest authorised technician to check the plane was in Athens, and that he would be flying up from there to check the fault, and that the delay would be slightly longer. At 11pm, some 5 hours after we were supposed to be flying, we were advised that the plane would be fixed overnight, and that we would be spending the night in a hotel. Cue fuck-up no.586, as there were 300 passengers with 5 different travel companies on this plane. Our rep had gone home at 5.00 when we had boarded, and was blissfully unaware of the problems - and hadn't done anything about sorting out coaches or accommodation for us........ over two hours later we finally pulled up at a hotel that was neither ready or overly willing to accommodate 100 unexpected one-night guests. It wouldn't have been so bad but for the fact that there were several pensioners and young children on board, all of whom were unprepared for having to spend extra time without suitcases etc either sat in the departure lounge or in a hotel.

We were told that at 8am the next morning there would be an announcement about the flight. There was. We would be flying at 11.45. The fault had been cleared up and everything was resolved. So we once more got on the plane, once more went through all the safety gubbins etc. Once more the proximity sensor picked up some fault. Game over. 300 speechless passengers, already tired and emotional, now resigned to further time on Greek soil.

This time the airline decided that it was appropriate to get a replacement plane, so one was summoned from Istanbul. This plane touched down 5 hours later, and prompty suffered brake failure to a degree so severe that it was immediately withdrawn from service. XL Airways it seems are a mickey-mouse outfit incapable of getting anything right, so a replacement replacement was ordered, which was a Tenerife/Manchester service that was currently full of passengers.......it had to return to Manchester, refuel and turn round to get to Thessaloniki. It arrived at 12.45am, and we were onboard and ready to go by 1.30am. You couldn't write a script like this!

32 hours after boarding the plane home, we finally took off, arriving back in Gatwick at 3.00am. Never again!

So sang Juliana Hatfield and Evan Dando way back in 1994.

A lot has happened since the last Primate Notions (I haven't really got my head round the concept of writing down what happens in my life and around me - who is it actually for anyway? Me as some kind of primal therapy, or the rest of the world to know what is going on inside my head and world?), and I am pretty sure that nobody gives a toss.  The Factory management board is one fewer, my tribute to AHW is elsewhere on this site. Various acrimonious posts on MySpace indicated that New Order (or at least Hooky) had decided to call it a day. The day was Monday, the air was Blue. Digital (not by way of tribute, I hasten to add) also decided that enough was enough. Our relationships with the erstwhile keyboard player had deteriorated to the extent that it had stopped being fun. It had never been a moneyspinner, it was always about doing something we enjoyed doing, and as long as a few people enjoyed it too then it was worthwhile. When you get 25% of the partnership wanting to put up brick walls at every turn and refusing to cooperate or participate with anything, there's not a lot you can do in terms of making it enjoyable again, so we did what we thought was right at the time, and took an indefinite break. I'm sure that Jon and Jim won't be lost to the world of music, I certainly won't be.

I've been working fairly inconsistently for the last couple of months on writing and recording solo material (while trying to renovate my house at the same time), it's getting there. Home studio has been fine for guitars, I'm going to do the vocals in a professional studio, and then the multitracks will be handed over to various people on here to do their magic and see what they can come up with. I know what I want the songs to sound like, it will be fascinating to hear how other people interpret the sounds.

 

 

Some might say that sunshine follows thunder. Let's hope so in Tony Wilson's case, as the news that the man who made it all happen is suffering from cancer is a bolt out of the blue (well, we knew about the kidney removal but not why).

This site has been closely involved with raising money for Cancer Research, with the great success of Blue Saturday last year - let's do it all again to once again show our support for those who are doing all they can to beat this terrible affliction. This time, let's hold the day in Manchester, that would be fitting I think.

Anyone who wishes to donate to the Blue Saturday fund, please donate via Paypal to

 tim @ neworderonline.com (remove the spaces, they're only there to deter spammers)

Strangely enough, my soundtrack for this Liverpool gig consisted of the Bunnymen more than New Order. A long-standing Bunnymen fan, many of my happiest days of old were spent at Bunnymen gigs, and I’ve always enjoyed Liverpool.
  
  On the way up then, it was a diet of Crocodiles and Porcupine, washed down with a little Ocean Rain. Heaven Down Here! Arriving at Lime Street there was a Viking welcoming committee it seemed, with Rocket Mick, Johnny Two Sheds, El Jarvo, JG, Nick King, Dave Legge and Wolfram present. With a hop and a skip (not With a Hip!) it was off to the Adelphi hotel, big, old and posh but seen better days. Sort of Penelope Keith really.
  
  Managed to find the Han(g)over Hotel easily, and sat there waiting for me with a pint was PHD, and we were soon joined by Marc, Paul’s mate Alan and the Corby Order. Three or four more and it was off to the Slaughterhouse, a fine alehouse, where the entire Viking contingent was holding court. First time I’d met several people, so it’s yamas and :beer: to Missy Jem, JAK, Des Tierney, Jake Dooey, Agent Wood and anyone else I’ve accidentally forgotten.
  
  Good stretch out walk up to the gig, nice to shift a few of those cider calories. Straight down to row EE, 5 from the front, but somehow I got magically drawn to the front row. Vacant seat, so I sat in it! Sod the Atomic Kitten and Hollyoaks boyfriend whose seats they were!
  
  After only a few seconds, it was clear that something was wrong with the security guys. Some of them had two heads, true, but this was worse than that. People were being ejected for dancing, for standing up in the aisle where they should be sat, for walking down the aisle, breathing, wearing a loud shirt in a tent, reflecting strobe lights off the top of their heads, any kind of trumped up bollocks. It was all going a bit wrong.  Good Vikings were being ejected, men and women who had paid good coin to travel the world following the Order. Not on. Hooky noticed the events unfolding in front of him, and had a pop at the security, but the atmosphere was darkening by the minute.
  
  It was only when we got outside that the true story became known, with several Vikings outside the tent, all of whom had been denied access to the whole gig. Bang out of order. It’ll be interesting to see what unfolds with this one.
  
  I didn’t bother with more cider after the gig, went straight back to the hotel via a kebab house, and drew a line under a day that had started so well and ended up being notable for all the wrong reasons.

A whole UK Tour to look forward to! Well, for northern monkeys anyway. Still, tickets for every gig will be booked tomorrow morning (got Wembley already), and the boss has sanctioned the holiday.

Talking of which, a week today me and several other Vikings will be sat on a plane taking us to Athens via Rome! Life's good.

Looks like it is going to be another of those years when it comes to seeing New Order live, hot on the heels of last year's catalogue of disasters.....

So far, there has only been one show, but despite having a ticket and travel booked I had to cancel at the last minute, as the bastard rail company were doing engineering works and I couldn't get back in time to get to work - the pitfalls of working on programmes that lurch from one crisis to another!

Now, we have Athens (possibly) and the two Spanish shows to look forward to, at least some people will. I'm due to fly out to Greece on holiday three days after the Athens show, if only it were a week later. I can't really justify using the holiday money me and the missus have put aside for a gig a couple of days in advance of the holiday, so unless I come into some money or can sell some guitar stuff or tapes, it ain't gonna be happening.

The one that really takes the biscuit though is Spain. The only weekend that all of Digital are available to play gigs between the start of June and the end of July is the weekend of July 14th-15th, and we have booked a gig at the Cartoon in Croydon, a well-known venue that was recently the location for a four-night residency by The Fall. Typical that the Order are playing in Spain that night and the next night, as not only does it mean that I have to miss at least one of the Spanish gigs, it also means that the Viking contingent and other UK-based NOOLers and NO fans won't be coming to see us play!

New studio just opened only 100 metres from my house, it's fantastic! Got full analogue and digital facilities, spacious live room, shedload of gear, rehearsal room, cafe, live venue on the side, couldn't be better. May have to get the Digital boys down so we can do a live session, and get it played on the radio station being run from the Sunlight Centre. Only £160 for a full day!

This place is fabulous, a community centre funded by the Lottery and staffed by volunteers.

http://www.sunlighttrust.org.uk/

will be the link when it all works - still under construction.

No, this hasn't become a blog about teenage wanking, it's a reflection on how frustrated I am getting with this IT programme I am working on that I have to have two rants in a day!

Take the gun off the wall, put the lead in my soul, pick the bones from my skin, lay them out on the floor......the beast is well and truly inside today!